Clean Up - You Made a Mistake

C.U.B.E. for Conflict

To learn more about CUBE and how to use, please view the CUBE Overview

Best Practices for Clean Up - You Made a Mistake

  • Plan for the conversation. Clarify the goals of the conversation and the mood you want to create, e.g. you want them to feel or conclude what? The goal is not to share an apology, but rather to create a solid relationship to collaborate.
  • As you begin, center yourself in a mood of care, respect, and growing together.
  • Open with a clear context and verbally establish the mood. Let them know that you want to apologize for what happened and clarify what you want, e.g for them to feel respected.
  • Without getting into details, explain that you had positive intent, but it likely had negative impact.

C

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

  • Ask questions to understand their world and the impact the situation had on them.  
  • Appreciate their view of the situation even if it’s inaccurate. 
  • Stay curious even if you disagree or if you are being blamed. It might be helpful to say, “I’m not sure I agree with you, and I want to hear about your experience”. 
  • Take responsibility for any role or contribution you had.
  • Then… share your positive intentions and apologize for the negative impact. It is often helpful to explain how you made the mistake.

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

U

  • Co-create many possible solutions to resolve the situation.
  • Also discuss how to ensure that the misunderstanding doesn’t happen again and what to do if it does, e.g. ways to communicate about this in the future.  What can you do together to navigate better?

B

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Decide and fully align on clear next steps. Agree to specific actions to deal with similar breakdowns in the future. 
  • Reconfirm your support for the other person.
  • Set up the commitments as a set of shared goals, not something you can be blamed for if you fail in the future.

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

E

Common Mistakes for Clean Up - You Made a Mistake

  • Downplaying the importance or level of impact the mistake had on them. (People have traumas that may have them “over-react” but their reaction will seem justified to them.)
  • Not discussing the relationship and what’s important to you about it.
  • Not wanting to apologize because your actions were justifiable given the circumstances.
  • Assuming positive intent is sufficient to resolve the concern.

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

C

  • Being impatient and wanting to share your story early to defend yourself when they won’t be ready to hear it.
  • Thinking you will get to the bottom of what happened, rather than accepting that you may have two different stories and that goal is to find a way to move forward.
  • Not taking responsibility for the little things you may have done to contribute or worsen.
  • Only partially owning your mistakes or the impact on the other person.

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

U

  • Getting caught up in your own triggers or feeling blamed, when all you are doing is exploring options for how to resolve the concern or  move forward effectively.
  • Not brainstorming about future communications if/when this happens again.

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

B

  • Not setting up a check-in or a way to re-open the dialogue if something similar happens in the future.
  • Assuming that trust has been rebuilt and all is good.

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

E

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